How to be charismatic without being a phony jerk
My roommate, Jared, in college had the most palpable charisma. When he spoke to you, he made you feel like the only person in the world.
At any social gathering, people always flocked to be near him.
Heck, any knock on the door we got was people asking if Jared was around. If politics were his thing, I’m certain he’d have done great. And his presence often made me wonder how and where charisma comes from.
The term charisma comes from the 20th-century sociologist Max Weber, who described it as “a certain quality of an individual personality, by virtue of which he is set apart from ordinary men and treated as endowed with supernatural, superhuman, or at least specifically exceptional powers or qualities.”
We all stand to benefit from charisma. It can expand your social network, improve friendships, and help secure new jobs and raises. Those who are perceived as charismatic are much more likely to attain leadership positions and achieve the outcomes they desire.
The good news is that charisma can be cultivated and developed over time. It isn’t a crystallized trait.
What is charisma
Generally, it’s regarded as a person’s ability to inspire and captivate others. It’s often described as charm, magnetism, or general likability.
Scientists have studied this attribute at length.
Psychologist Dr. Konstantin Tskhay conducted a study on charisma in 2018 and found that it has quantifiable characteristics — and that almost all people can recognize charisma when they see it. His team identified two key components:
Influence — a person’s ability to guide others with confidence and skill.
Affability — a person’s ability to make others feel comfortable around them.
You can probably think of a few examples from you r own life — people who lit up a room and always had friends eager to see them.
Strategies to help
One of the easiest ways to improve your charisma is to simply be excited to see someone. A family friend of ours, Admiral Joe Maguire, is one of the most naturally charismatic people I’ve ever met. He always seems excited to see you, gives you a big hug or pat on the back. He’s genuine and alw ays asks about your life, offering to get you a drink.
But can this be taught?
Researchers in Israel created a “charismulator” and tested it with experimental and control groups. It asked participants to make a two-minute video about something they enjoy doing.
Beforehand, they did exercises for 5–10 minutes that mimicked the most charismatic figures in history. The training had three key lessons:
Use body gestures to support your message — open hand movements, good posture
Show warm facial expressions — smiling, steady eye contact
Speak with an animated and uplifting tone — maintain vocal fluency and avoid hesitation
Compared to the control group, participants who trained this way experienced a 17% increase in perceived charisma after just one session.
This shows that charisma isn’t some mystical, intangible trait. It’s made up of specific, identifiable behaviors and habits that others naturally respond to.
You can adopt these in daily life.
